Not Knowing

Reflections on the last day of the year (1440) and welcoming the new year (1441)

Not knowing can be a bliss or a curse.
I can’t be bothered or upset by that I don’t know. Knowing that I don’t know can also be unsettling, nerve-racking, and a tension creating.
How can I choose when I don’t know what tomorrow will bring when I don’t know?
When cells of my body know the unknown, how can I convince my mind to settle?
My body knows while my mind doesn’t. There is no escape from being between the polarity of both, there is tension, there is unease.
I’m realizing and understanding that my heart has to help out ease that tension and unease. To trust wholeheartedly that all will unfold perfectly whether I know or I don’t know.
My heart already trusts I don’t need to teach it to trust. What I need is to listen, and to listen carefully, and not let the noise of the mind get in the way.
The heart trusts that there is calmness in the center of chaos.
The heart has faith,
the heart trusts.
I’ve been getting this message over and over, to open my heart and trust. I’m not there yet. It is not a destination, but a space to be in, a solace from the overthinking mind and the stories it creates.
But I’ve been to this space;
I’ve felt the being of trust, the knowing in spite of not knowing;
being in the unknown without tension;
the welcoming of what is and not resisting it.
I felt so good in that center of all centers, knowing that all is good, and all will be good.
It is a work of a lifetime, to find my way to that center faster than my habit of going to my mind where self doubt nad tension resides. It is a conscious choice to trust and choose to trust over and over again. It is the coming back to the heart, to trust, and not resist what is.

Here is one of my favorites tracks this past year, great writing from Gibran Khalil Gibran read by Amany Eissa and below in English.

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